Essay Idea #1

Mental illness has always shaped my life. The first time I went to a therapist, I was seven years old. I was having problems with OCD. It is a misconception that OCD is simply cleaning and hating germs. For me, it was switching lights on and off, turning the kitchen faucet back and forth, and opening and closing doors. I have a history of self harm, which started when I was only thirteen years old. For someone who was raised in such a loving, supportive household, the way I would mistreat myself might seem almost ridiculous. But for such a young person, who had no idea what was going on or why I felt so terrible, it was the only way to force my feelings out of my system. By the time I attempted suicide, I had dealt with cutting, depression, and anxiety.
The hours after my suicide attempt were probably the most uncomfortable in my life. My mom insisted on staying with me in the ER, which she probably thought would be comforting. It was, of course, the exact opposite. Between glaring at me and yelling at me, it only made me feel more awful about the situation.
I am not proud of what my life has been like, or the violence I have inflicted on myself. For some reason, there is a sense of shame around mental illness. Those who are mentally ill are seen as unstable and dangerous, but in my case, I felt heartbroken and overwhelmed. But just because I am not happy about the past, does it mean that my future is set in place, or that I should feel ashamed.
Mental illness is just what the name says-an illness. If those who were depressed were treated like those who have cancer, maybe they would be given love and encouragement, instead of being told they are lazy and worthless.
People consider suicide to be cowardly. In my opinion, they have no idea how much courage it takes to not only admit there is a problem, but to ask for help. It is so incredibly difficult to reach out when the mind is saying that there is no hope or chance for the future. So why make such a controversial topic the main focus of my essay? If I look at the story of my life, it does more harm than good to ignore the bad things that have happened to me. My life is my set of experiences-some of them were great, and some of them landed me in the hospital on April 30th.
More importantly, having to have dealt with mental illness has made me both stronger and more determined. Many people say that they are tough or hardworking, but I can honestly say I was given the chance to give up, and in the end I chose to keep going. I chose to live. I have been at the lowest point in my life, and there is no where else I can go but up. Through a suicide attempt I have a different outlook on life. I cannot say that I automatically felt better. It simply does not work like that. But I can say that I realize that life is something I do not want to miss out on. I want to learn, I want to travel, I want to go on adventures. I risked losing the most precious thing, my existence, and because of that I am able to fully value what I have been given.