Essay Idea #4

My mother's family is from the Azores, so naturally my older sister and I were raised staunchly Roman-Catholic. I have so many memories from my childhood, many of them shaped by my faith. I remember going to church every Sunday, and eating donuts after mass. I recall all of the times I spent with my friends at CCD. I cannot help but recollect about playing an angel in the Christmas pageant or Mary in the reading of the Passion, having my nose filled with incense.
When I was thirteen I started questioning what I had been taught my whole life. It was not rebellion or fighting the power. I had been bullied severely for several years, and I could not process why I had been through what I had been through. I could not understand how the trauma could have occurred-why would God have let this happen to me? I had been faithful as a little girl, and always kept a miniature Nativity scene besides my bed. Why would God have left me alone? I turned away from a community that had once brought me comfort. Adding to the sadness I felt about what had happened in the past, there was this new loss. My mother insisted I keep going to CCD and to mass. She wanted me to continue getting the sacraments and to eventually get confirmed. For me, I felt that there was no meaning to it, and I pushed it away as stubbornly as she pushed for it.
I ironically applied to Saint Raphael Academy when I was in eighth grade. Despite how insistent everyone seemed to be towards religion, it was at least an escape from all the negativity and sadness I had felt in elementary and junior high school. Many of the upperclassmen talked about how Saints had changed them, but I never felt that way until my sophomore year, when the Drama Club put on a production of Godspell. I worked on costumes for the show and was part of the stage crew. Godspell quickly became my favorite play. Finally there was a religious story that I could actually feel like I was part of. I was able to understand the meaning of Catholicism, through the community and trust the cast and crew built towards one another. I could identify with the feelings of being completely isolated, and finally feeling welcome in a newfound community. I could definitely see myself as Jesus, having been betrayed by close friends before. Overall it was probably one of the most important events in all of my high school career.
So when I finally was able to get confirmed, I did it wholeheartedly. I remember my confirmation in vivid detail. The smell of incense, the feeling of the chrism on my forehead. I picked Saint Joan of Arc for my saint name. Like me, she had been misunderstood and mistreated, but she had risen above it with honor and dignity. To many people, a confirmation may not seem like a very big deal. But to Catholics, it is a symbol of becoming an adult in the church. When I became Emily Joan Craig, I had finally become an adult, and I was happy I had achieved this milestone.